Be Careful what you pray for!

I don't look at the calendar these days. I can't bear too! It is not fun to wish the month away, because you do have 3 other children and its like wishing their time goes by too! It is such a unexplainable emotion, but I will try the best to do so. Anyways, I do believe that through this whole year of adopting, this month it has really gotten to me! Although I actually left my house and had a wonderful much needed lunch with my wonderful friend Lena on Friday! But it has been weeks of getting in bed and a small voice in my head saying "Oh good, another day down." Sad sad feeling it is. So I started to pray for distractions. Something to keep me occupied, my mind off of well, the time. My distractions have been as such. We had the holidays, which truly saved me. We were so busy with family and friends. Oh and then there were the illnesses that plagued us all. That got me through November and December. But January has drug on and on and on.

So that left me praying for distractions! I couldn't anticipate what the Lord would do, good or bad but I knew my prayers would be answered. Well, I got distraction number one on Thursday afternoon. I will need to back up a few months ago when we visited Shriner's Hospital in Cincinnati to see if they would be willing to do a little reconstructive surgery on little Mya Min's ears. Both of her ears have a slight deformity that we decided would be best to take care of at age two then wait till she was older. Of course our insurance turned it down, deeming it cosmetic, but Shriner's which is a total volunteer hospital stepped up to the plate and offered their time and skill. When we went for the consultation we were told earliest would be June of '09. That would be ideal for us anyways knowing the months ahead would be taken up with bringing home Mariah. Well, I received a phone call that Mya needs to check into Shriner's on Sunday February 1st and will be there for 3 days. WHAT??? Take a deep breath! Distraction #1! How can I possibly fit being away from the comforts of my self inflicted self pity for 3 days? OK, that is 3 days that I will be completely distracted by caring for precious Mya and thinking of nothing else!

Distraction #2 came last night when I got a call from my sister (you know when your laying in bed and the phone rings and your heart pounds because you just feel that something is wrong) saying that Marissa (she was staying for a sleepover) had gotten bit by their dog (it was 11:30 pm) and she wanted her mommy! I flew there to find a pretty deep scratch across her lip and top of her lip. I completely panicked! All the visions of my beauty on her prom day, on her wedding day trying to cover up this slash mark. It is funny what crosses your mind in dire situations. Wedding day? She is 8! I knew that I needed to take her and have it looked at, so off to Akron Children's Hospital at Midnight where she received the most wonderful care! The first doctor explained that they usually do not close dog bites because of the bacteria and the way it looked, was the way it would scar. I said a silent prayer! Then an older doctor came in and looked at her and said "Well, if she was a son, most parents would say "battle wound", it comes with the territory but this is your daughter and I don't want to mess up her super model career." He explained that if left untouched the gash would definitely scar at the current state, but if we did use stitches the odds of infection were slim, and we could minimize the scarring greatly. So stitches it was! We finally got home around 3 am and Marissa woke up with a lip the size of a golf ball. But considering what could have been, my little prayer was answered. It was so nice to turn my complete undivided attention to my little girl Marissa. Nothing entered my mind for those hours except her and holding her little hand telling her how beautiful she was!

So I humbly walk away from my "distractions" realizing what God was whispering in my ear this whole time of my sulking episodes. "Be still and know that I am God" Psalm 46:10. He is God, He knows what He is doing! So finally out of my own selfishness I am at peace! Finally Lord I am giving it to you! It is like a weight lifted off my shoulders and for once in over 12 months of the adoption roller coaster I am at peace. I feel so at peace with my true distractions, my impatience and anticipation. And I give it to you Lord! Thank you for opening my eyes!

Distraction #3 comes on February 14th. Ryan is having his 13th Birthday party at our house with 15, 7th graders. He turns 13 on February 26th, but we were running the risk of being in China, so we are having the party a little early. I still can't believe he is 13. My little baby boy. Only if time could be still............. (Do you see my state of mind?)

Anyways, my prayer now is for no more distractions!